Elizabeth Marie Adcock - Seeing Scripture Come Alive

Lungile is Dancing

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Lungile and Calie

"I want to go home."

My new friend Lungile kept saying this over and over again. I spent all day with her on the first day of March. It was my first day of knowing her, but I had been hearing about her for weeks from Billy and Calie on my team. Every Monday and Friday we go to the Hope House and they would head straight for her room, and spend the entire time there; finally I was getting to spend time with her too.

"I want to go home."

We told her we didn't want her to go home because then we wouldn't be able to see her when we came to visit. So we picked her up, dressed her, and put her in her wheel chair to take her to the church service we were putting on that afternoon.

"I want to go home."

But she didn't have anyone to take her home. All of her immediate relatives had already died, and her extended family had abandoned her and refused to come get her. What she asked for seemed hopeless. And then I began to hear God. He was saying He wanted to take her Home, and suddenly I knew she didn't understand the depth of her request.

"I want to go home."

I began praying that God would take her Home - yes, that she would die of the horrible disease of AIDS that had been wrecking her body for too long now. He wanted to take her. It was time. God said, "Tell her about Home".

So I told her I knew she wanted to go to her Swazi home, but that there was a Home even greater that I long for. A place where she gets to see Jesus face-to-face, where she gets to have a beautiful singing voice, and gets to dance again like when she was young. A place of peace, of rest, and of joy restored; a place where she is loved.

She listened intently. She had been afraid of dying, but now God showed me that He was releasing her to want to go to her real Home. I didn't know what would happen, but I prayed He'd take her soon. I didn't want to see her suffer any longer, and I knew He was wanting to wrap her up in His arms.

We left the Hope House, and found out a few days later that Lungile was doing much worse and had been taken to the hospital. We were trying to figure out how to find her at the hospital, but before we could try it was Monday and we were again at the Hope House.

One week had passed since God told me He wanted to take her. While I was still in the van, Calie frantically ran up to my window and told me Lungile was back and that someone told her she was probably in her last hours of life. When I walked in her room, I saw a much different woman than I saw only a week before. She was too weak to move, and could barely speak. My spirit whispered, "Oh Jesus, take her quickly."

Almost half of the team gathered in the room with Lungile that day. Calie held her hand, and Billy was close beside. The rest of us formed a semi-circle around them as we worshipped and prayed for two hours. I prayed that worship would never cease over her from that moment on, that she would literally leave the worship of the saints and angels on earth to be ushered into the worship of the saints and angels in heaven. I believe it happened. I saw it happening. God prompted me to read Revelation 4 to her about the Throne Room as He simultaneously prompted Ryan (who was leading worship) to have us sing "Revelation Song" over her. She was going to see the things I was reading so quickly.

Eventually we left her to go in peace. About an hour after we left her, and right before we were going to leave the Hope House, we were told she had passed. Passed from death to life. I have never been with someone who got to be so close to Jesus so soon after I was with them. I felt privileged and honored, unsure of why I was allowed to be there for her transformation.

I saw lots of hard things that day. I still don't understand why death had to be as painful for Lungile as it was, or why God let her suffer so long, but I trust God and I trust His timing.

But I also saw marvelous things - things I can only begin to understand the gravity of. I saw a woman who had been longing to be loved most of her life finally be loved, really and truly. She knew she was loved by Billy and Calie especially, and "I love you" was the only thing I understood her say that day, to which Calie tearfully replied "I love you, too". I saw a woman who nobody wanted be missed by a group of people from half-way across the world, and woman whose physical family abandoned her be embraced by her family in God.

She did not die alone that day. Lungile's prayers for love and for home were finally answered. That day was beautiful because of where she was going. Praise God that death is not the end! Praise Him that pain and suffering cease with the hope in His name! Praise Him that there is a place for Lungile to go that is far better!

I am confident she's using her beautiful singing voice; oh, and how I wish I could see her DANCE!

Truths of the Jumbo

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Calie, one of the girls on my team, wrote this. I love it. It'll certainly give you a picture of what everyday life is like for us, and I HOPE it makes you laugh as hard as it makes me!!!! God can teach us through anything....

This week I decided to post a more lighthearted blog. Reader's discretion is advised for those who may be eating now or plan to do so soon.

***

Jumbo is not a noun that we are familiar with in America but here in Africa it refers to our toilets, (if they qualify as "toilets".) Truth be told, we are not quite sure what they are. Definitely not a restroom, bathroom, porta-pottie, or even rest stop for that matter. Yet, they are the place that we do our "business" and unfortunately, spend a considerable amount of time often due to our new African diets.

We have three Jumbos. The first one is green. This one is rarely used due to a complete lack of air flow. The second one is a tin shack with "Jumbo" written on the door, (hence the name.) And the third is just like the second minus the door factor.

In these three vessels I have found that many biblical truths are represented and often overlooked so I thought that I might bring five of them to the light. Enjoy!

1) God is the Ultimate Reliever of Burdens

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burdens on the Lord and he will sustain you.

I will be honest; pooping here is a big deal for our team. Between half of us going too often and the other half not going at all we often know the status of one another's latest bowel movements. For those that have been struggling to go, there is nothing like hearing their excitement upon achieving "Jumbo Success."

Just as the Jumbo is the place where we can be relieved of our digestive burdens, God is the ultimate reliever of our life's burdens.

2) Humility

Matthew 23:12 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

Having a Jumbo without a door, surprise visitors while doing your business are common. Getting walked in on by a teammate is not such a big thing. The fun surprises come from the road which happens to have a lovely view of our open-air Jumbo.

Between truck beds full of people, kids walking to and from school, and the occasional passer-by, a serious amount of humility is needed to avoid painful embarrassment.

3) Living by Faith

Romans 1:17b The righteous will live by faith.

Despite what one would assume, Jumbo is not exactly the sturdiest structure. When you place your rump upon the "seat" the entire inside shelf sinks in. Sometimes it is hard to relax when the only thing holding you from falling into a pile of poop is bending, creaking, and all around being sketchy. It takes faith in that Jumbo to 1.relax 2.execute 3.escape.

God is not sketchy, but there are times in my faith when the wind seems to blow extra hard and shakes where I think I stand. It's important to realize that God deserves every ounce of our faith and He never fails.

4) Run in a Way to Achieve the Prize

1 Corinthians 9:24-25 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

It is probably safe to say that everyone on the team has made at least one "Jumbo-run." I mean where we literally run to Jumbo because if we aren't there soon something else will be in our pants.

That is one particular race that people always run to win. Just as we run for Jumbo, we need to run in our faith with the intensity to win the prize.

5) Being a Light

Matthew 5: 16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven.

The Jumbos aren't exactly equipped with lights that can be flipped on upon entrance. All light must be brought with you upon entry in the night. Headlamps are the most common form of light, especially in the Jumbo where a hands-free device is required. The only problem is that the light which is strapped to your forehead is irresistibly attractive to all flying creatures of the earth. You are trying to do your business in peace but flies, moths, and worse are pelting you in the face trying to get your light.

Our light for Jesus should be like this and should be so intense that it has this affect on the world. Our lights should shine in a way that people flock to it to see what it's all about.

Hamburgers.

Sat, 6 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Here's a glimpse of what seemed to be a rehearsed comedy Neil and I starred in last week.

Scene 1:

Waiter: "You would like a hamburger. So ham for you (points at Neil), cheese for you (points at me)."

Us: "No, a hamburger. With beef in the middle, cheese, tomato, and lettuce on the top, and bread on both sides." (Hamburgers are on the menu).

Waiter: "Oh yes." And he walks away confidently.

Scene 2:

The waiter comes back with ketchup and vinegar in a silver serving bowl on a silver platter, and two ham and cheese sandwiches with tomato and lettuce sprigs toothpicked on top.

We both really wanted hamburgers.

Waiter: "Is this okay?"

Neil: "No this is not okay. Can we talk to the cook?"

The cook comes out and we explain to her that we wanted a hamburger.

Cook: "Oh yes, a hamburger. Of course."

Awkward silence.

Neil: "We would like a hamburger." Finally the cook takes back the ham and cheese sandwiches. The customer is not always right in Africa!

Liz: "We would like TWO hamburgers. One for me, one for him."

Cook: Okay.

Scene 3:

The waiter comes back with ONE hamburger. We laugh. What else can we do?

Neil: "We would like another hamburger."

Waiter: "Okay".

And that's where the story finally ends happily. It took awhile, but we both got hamburgers! Whew. Stories like this always amaze me because it gives me a little more of a glimpse into how different Africans think, and how little they understand America. Few Swazis know what a hamburger is, and most live on pap and beans everyday. They try so hard to give us what they think is American (silver platter & bowl), that is over-the-top nice, not understanding that in America we actually eat ketchup out of small, flimsy paper bowls.

Communicating with Swazis requires much grace from us and from them. I am sure we do many things they think are absolutely crazy. They think peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a disgusting idea and don't understand how we can eat them. And they probably got a pretty good kick out of watching our entire team chase one rooster around our homestead so that our gogo (grandma) could cook him for dinner. It took 16 Americans but only takes one Swazi! And as you can see from the hamburger story, Africans will normally agree with you even if they don't understand or even don't agree. That makes for interesting communication. I usually think they understand much more of what I am saying than they actually do.

People (women espcially) are strong here and I always feel very weak compared to them. How do women walk down the street with a full cooler on their head and a baby on their back? I'm sure if I did that the cooler would fall off my head and kill the baby. But they are confident and I've never seen them drop anything. More than anything I wish I could bend over the way the women do - their backs simply bend in a different way than any Americans' back I have seen. Instead of curving, it lies flat, and they can work all day in that position.

These are just a few of the cultural things I think about!

What's Up in Swazi

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

We've been in Swaziland for a full month now! We never know exactly what to expect (our ministry schedule is constantly changing...TIA), but we do have set things that we generally do every week.

We spend our time at:

-   The Hope House - A home for terminally ill patients. Definitely a heart-breaking place, but also an amazing place. The people that live there are well cared for and have their own bathroom and a large room that serves as a bedroom, living room, and kitchen for themselves and a caretaker. We enjoy visiting the same friends twice a week, and have a church service for them on Mondays. Going to the service may be the only time they leave their rooms all week.

-   The Nazarene Hospital - The local hospital. Also a heart-breaking place, probably the hardest place for me to go. It is very different from hospitals in the US; there are separate wards where children, women, and men are separated, but everyone in the ward is crammed into one room. There is no privacy and the care is not good. Family of the patients sleep on the floor or outside on flattened cardboard boxes, because the hospital does not provide most basic care or food.

-   The School - A very prestigious school in Swaziland, one of the king's sons goes there! The kids are very cute in their uniforms and speedos (yes, they have swim class!). Our team teaches the students Bible stories and basic life skills while forming relationships.

-   Carepoints - A place where grandmothers in the community cook a meal of pap and beans, and orphaned and vulnerable children come to eat. We spend our time mostly at Timbutini, Thuwane, Dabbas carepoints. The team plays with, teaches, and loves on the kids. We also lead Bible studies for specific age groups/genders a few times a week. The Timbutini carepoint is special to us because it is right down the road from where we live, and we get to see the kids there almost every day.

-   Timbali Crafts - This is a ministry specifically to the grandmothers (gogos) in the community. These women work hard, and give of themselves selflessly. Timbali Crafts makes it possible for them to earn a little income by making purses and jewelry to help pay for the school fees and other needs of their grandchildren. Two of the girls on our team go help and spend time with them twice a week.

-   Devotions - Thursday and Friday mornings our team leads the devotion at the local elementary and high school. We especially have an impact at the high school, since some on our team are very close in age to the students there.

So if you've been wondering, that's what I've been doing with my time! Thanks for your support and prayers.

And...here's a picture of us "working out". One of the girls on our team has been teaching us an intensive dance workout routine, and then afterwards we do interpretive dance. Disney songs are the favorite, with lots of imagination involved. Believe it or not, I DID NOT start this, although I am leading the charge here. In this pic we are "in a canoe" rowing frantically to get out of a waterfall listening to Pocahontas.

Heartbeats

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Here's a blog from Debbie, one of the girls on my team. I love this blog because it reminds me of the way I felt the first time I came to Swaziland. With all that I've seen, it is far too easy to mentally remove myself from the pain that happens around me, but as her heart broke, mine broke too. Her heart is breaking for the people God loves, and He is so pleased.

"I think that we've got what it takes to get this heart to start beating again."

I'm not sure how many times I will say on this trip how in awe I am that God called me to Africa and I'm finally here. At times I don't feel as though I'm even really in Swaziland although my senses drastically tell me otherwise. My eyes see mountains everywhere. Poverty everywhere. Bugs everywhere. I smell everything from flowers to cows. I hear everything from my team laughing to cries of the people.

Monday we had the opportunity to go to the Hope House. It is run by priests and a sister from India. There are separate houses where people who are sick go to receive care either by a volunteer or a family member. Some are believers, some are not. A particular woman we visited spoke no English, but being the human I am the first thing I noticed was her appearance. Her body was sunken in and her bones were protruding out. She had sores all over her fragile body. AIDS. All we knew to do was to pray over her. When we finished, we sang her a song in siSwati and she exploded with joy. She lit up, completely different from when we walked in. We then went to a man laying in bed, trembling with sweat and sores all over his brittle body. His baby was asleep on a bed and his wife with no hope in her eyes agreed to let us pray over their family. I couldn't help but think of the irony of it all when I prayed, "God heal this man, give his family hope through this time" as I felt death creeping in. In pain, in the last stages of AIDS, his body was shaking to be taken away. Leaving his house, holding it together was out of the question. Breathing the air in, the same air as these people who are being destroyed by a disease that will wipe out their country by 2050 if more is not done... blows my mind. Touching them, speaking to them. God is using my team to answer prayers. To pump blood to hearts that are lost and broken. They have been crying out for hope for love and affection. Here we are. I've never felt more at home then when looking into the eyes of the people here. God has an incredible plan, a promise He made when He called me. That great works would be done, that hearts would break for His kingdom. Each day he folds back a tiny piece for me to see.

To read more blogs written by my team, go to swaziland.adventures.org.

Swazi Deja-Vu

Tue, 9 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I currently live in a crazy state of deja-vu. I am sleeping in the same bed, in the same hut, on the same homestead, with the same family, in the same small town (Timbutini) that I lived in two and a half years ago. It feels like I never left, but everyone is older and I'm very different. Its has been so good to be re-united with people and to recognize the faces of many of the children and see they are still well.

At the same time, nothing is the same. My ministry is to my team first, and my activities so far have looked very different than they did before. We spent the past week checking out all the ministry options for our team, and my greatest adventure so far has been driving The Big Dirty (my 8-passenger van) on the left-hand side of the road and on bumpy dirt roads dodging cows, goats, chickens, and people. It keeps me on my toes! Probably my second greatest adventure has been trying to keep everyone well-fed and watered. We are constantly buying stores out of their water (cart-fulls!) and LOTS of bread. We're learning what it takes to feed 16 people.

Yesterday we took my team to a game reserve to just sit and listen to what the Lord had to say to us about our time here, and today Neil and I are prayerfully trying to put the pieces together. I'll try to keep you updated as we continue to move forward.

Be praying for the unity of our large team, that we would be covered and protected, and that everyone would be willing to step out and do the hard, uncomfortable things. Things haven't been easy, but I've been in a good place of dependence on the Lord.

Also, I'm now fully funded! Thank you so much for your prayers and support!

Team Swazi Leaves Today!!!

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Team Swazi leaves today!

I will continue to blog here, but our team blog will be updated much more frequently: swaziland.adventures.org.

Each of the participants will be updating this blog about once a week. You can subscribe to receive those blog updates if you like.

Training Camp has been awesome, and culminated tonight as Neil and I commissioned our team of 14 (10 girls, 4 guys) by praying for them, washing their feet, and taking communion together. The girls brought me to tears as they gathered around me to pray and wash my feet. God is entrusting me with crazy things that I feel unworthy of by allowing me to lead this team, and I have little idea about how I am going to do most of it - but that is good. He has given me grace and strength to do the seemingly impossible before, and I trust Him to do that again.

Be praying for my time management, that I hear the voice of the Lord and move with Him. Be praying for growth, confidence, faith, and healing for those on my team. Pray for me as I draw confidence from the Lord and seek to live exposed before them in vulnerability and humility.

THANK YOU!

Time for Training!

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Well folks, its that time again.

Time to pack everything I own in a backpack (I'm actually excited about it this time...can you believe that?). Leader's training starts tomorrow, and then the Real Life participants arrive on Monday evening. I'm so excited to finally meet them and begin getting to know them. Please be praying for us during our training time (from January 25-29). Pray for a deep sense of trust to be established with each other quickly, that we would set a foundation of loving and honoring each other above ourselves, that we'd have an abundance of grace for unity, and that we'd have a lot of fun!

Here are some stats about Swaziland to get your heart moving in prayer and compassion for the people we will be meeting in a little over a week:

Life expectancy is only 30 years.
15-year-olds have less than a 10% chance of living to age 35.
More than 50% of the population lives on about 28 cents a day.
Half of the country's population are under the age of 15.
In some parts of the country, 80% test positive for HIV.

According to UN statistics, the entire country will cease it exist by 2050.

Can you imagine? I've been there and I can't wrap my mind around it. I'd only be expected to live 7 more years. My parents would have died over 20 years ago. Half of US citizens would be homeless (its hard to have a home on 28 cents a day), and only be able to feed one member of their family once a week...if that. Half of the country wouldn't be able to drive a car. In a get-together with 10 friends, at least 5 would have HIV, if not 8. I'm skipping over a few statistics because I can't even begin to go there. What is it like for an entire country to "cease to exist"?

These odds are devastating, but there is always HOPE because our Daddy God has a great, mighty arm to reach down and rescue us.

Please be praying for my co-leader Neil and I as we listen to and watch the Lord to see what He's already doing and how He'd have us move with Him. Be praying for wisdom in decision-making, and confidence to move and act in uncertain situations. Pray that our team would be one full of willing hearts to serve and give all that we have. Pray for our protection.

Thank you!!! I'll update you again soon!

Neil and I in San Jose, Costa Rica on The World Race

How to Help Haiti

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

If you'd like to give financially towards helping the people of Haiti, but aren't sure where to give, this is a great place for your money to go. I'm sure it'll be used well! Here's a blog from Ashley Musick.

Since the earthquake happened in Haiti we've all been looking for opportunities to help. AIM is launching a huge effort to make a long-term difference. Creating opportunities for short-term teams will take a lot of details and information that you can't get unless you are there. Somebody has to go in first.

I've been working with many people to organize a team of World Race Alumni to go into the country, and we're leaving this Thursday. That's right... we're leaving on Thursday . I'll actually being going out to lead the team. My heart was broken for the people of Haiti on my World Race trip last February, and I want to help. The trip will be from Thursday the 21st through Wednesday the 27th.

We'll be traveling to Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic and traveling to the border. The vision is that we will go as a first response team representing AIM, gathering basic info on contacts and travel, and to provide immediate relief to the people suffering in Haiti.

I talked with Seth Barnes last night about this trip and AIM's bigger picture. Adventures in Missions has experience working in crisis and disaster situations. They responded to the tsunami and to Hurricane Katrina. We want to make a long-term difference in Haiti. I have hopes that our Alumni trip will help gather necessary information for the many teams that will follow in our footsteps to build into the long-term plan of bringing restoration to a part of Haiti... physical and spiritual.

Being some of the first to go in will not be easy. We're still working on details regarding transportation, communication, and ministry contacts. But we need to start somewhere... there are people dying in the streets. Any hassle in transportation is immediately worth it because finding answers to those problems will make it easier for a team of medical personal going in the next week.

We're going to pray. We're going to minister to those we meet. We're going to tell their stories.

And this is only the beginning.

Will you help us? Will you help send this team of Alumni out to help pave the way?

We have asked each Alumni who is participating to buy their own plane tickets to the Dominican Republic. They are getting friends, family, and supporters to help them with that. In order to cover ground costs and ministry needs (any opportunities to meet immediate needs like food, water, and blankets) we have set up a special project to accept donations. Please pray and give! We need your help to pave the way. Please give to this project to help this team of Alumni!

Go to this direct link to give: https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=worldrace&desc= (this is also accessible by going to www.theworldrace.org and clicking on the "Donate" tab on the homepage. Hit the button that says, "click here to give!")
Once you're on this page, change the program on the drop-down menu to a "World Race Project." A new box will appear, for a description of the project. Please have supporters put WR HAITI as the name of the Project.

We're asking that all Alumni help us raise money for this Project. Reach out to your personal networks of family and friends. If you've watched the news, read the blogs, and wondered what you can do... please do this. We absolutely need you to make this happen. Please give abundantly and sacrificially.

In addition to financial support, this team will need a special covering of prayer. Pray for safety. Pray for open doors and clear communication. Haiti has always been a spiritual battleground as well. There is a war in the heavens for this nation and we are sure to experience it firsthand in the coming week.

Family, friends, supporters, blog readers.... You are needed. You are the foundation for the ministry we do and we thank you.

For Him and His Kingdom! Jesus is the Hope of Haiti!

27.1 Million Slaves

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

January 11th is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. Lets take today and many days after today to awaken ourselves to reality, and press in to what each of us can do about it. Here's a blog written by Matt Snyder that'll help:

Today's National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. That means that for the 27.1 million people that are enslaved beyond their will are getting some much needed attention. Who's giving it? We are. We are their voice. We are their deliverance. We are their freedom waiting to be delivered. The question is: what are you doing to help them? God's given me a platform through blog and other media outlets; He's also given me a voice that I've dedicated to Him. So Twitter this, Facebook it, Digg.com it, and do what you have to, to get the word out. You're welcome to copy & paste this blog I wrote a while ago.

* * * * *

"Srey Neang followed him through the entrance. At first her eyes had trouble adjusting to the darkness of the room. Slowly, she could make out the scene. At nearly every table a middle-aged man enjoyed the company of two or more young women who casually draped their bodies around him.

Chuan led her through the club, occasionally pausing to give a brief greeting to a male patron. Once they reached a staircase at the back of the club, he pointed upward with his index finger. Srey Neang went first. At the top of the stairs they reached a small hallway with three doors, all shut. She turned around to get further instructions. Chuan jerked his head deliberately to the right, indicating which door she was to open.

Srey Neang turned the knob and tentatively pushed forward. It startled her to see a man standing in the middle of the room as if he were anticipating her arrival. She heard the sound of the door click shut behind her... the room did not hold much furniture, save a bed and a small nightstand. The man, in his mid thirties... uttered a simple, shocking command in the local dialect: "Take off your clothes.'"

-- true story, called "The Conspiracy"

My life was ruined last night. I don't think that I've ever said that before, let alone sincerely meant it to the very core of my being. In the matter of minutes I've never had my heart shatter into so many pieces that the only ounce of expression left in me manifested itself through more than three hours of tears.

Heart graced my cheeks.

And it wasn't something that I really wanted to happen it just did. It hurt. It still hurts. And within me I can't ignore the urgency to act, to actually take a stand and respond out of obedience. I have to do something. I will not remain silent. It's one of those moments where the Lord's righteous anger boils within me, yet with such grace and love that my life pulsates with His goodness, His heart, and His mercy for all people.

Yet in the same moment I'm waging limitless war on hell.

I'll fight this until the day I die.

A few of us watched a movie last night called "Human Trafficking". I had heard of the issue in passing, not in depth, and I knew that it was a passion of many... yet I still never cared enough past myself to really dive in and learn. Maybe it was a subconscious attempt to keep myself distant from responsibility. Like I've said before, the further we can keep ourselves from an awareness of an issue, from keeping ourselves from knowing the facts, from the possibility of having some kind of "invested-interest"... we can void ourselves from having to react.

It's almost like an excuse for survival... but I don't accept it - even for you.

In case you don't necessarily understand the term "human trafficking", let me break it down for you into understandable terms: slavery.

I'm not kidding.

Human trafficking is, in fact, modern day slavery and it happens all over the world. At any given moment the International Labor Organization (ILO) reports that 12.3 million people are in slavery worldwide, the majority of them being for the purposes of sexual exploitation. Between 600,000 and 800,000 people are trafficked every year internationally (that doesn't include domestic trafficking) for sexual exploitation.

That means they're used for sex against their will.

We call that rape.

There's a lot of reasons that human trafficking exists, many I attribute to sewage that seeps out of hell and infects lives through all kinds of lies, deceptions, accusations, and the like. But it's also because people make a choice; they choose to feed the system, to turn over money to the monster that enslaves and imprisons. "Out of the total number of foreign visitors, roughly two-thirds entering Thailand were unaccompanied men. In other words, about 7.3 million unaccompanied men visited the country in 2003. Certainly, not all of these men came as sexual tourists, but it is a good bet that a significant percentage did. In fact, according to a survey of travel agents conducted by international aid agency World Vision, 65 percent of all tourists to Cambodia are men and one-fifth of them travel with the express purpose to have sex."

You might be thinking to yourself, "well, Matt, I've never even been to Thailand or Cambodia and I never intend on going. I don't contribute to the madness." There might be truth to that statement - I agree. But think about this: every time you sneak onto your computer and check out a little bit of porn here, a little bit of porn there... you contribute. In the Netherlands and Germany, they've found a significant association between prostitution, pornography, and human trafficking. The pornography industry is a multi-billion dollar industry... every year... and prostitution's merely a front that will typically mask human trafficking.

So maybe you weren't aware, but now you are, that many people that are trafficked are also used for pornographic purposes, yet another ploy within sexual exploitation.

I can get onto more facts in another blog... but you might be wondering what the Lord's calling out of me.

I've never heard the Lord speak to me with such clarity. Last night I was sitting on the balcony/rooftop of the house we're staying at here in Phnom Penh, letting the Spirit express itself through my body. I was wrecked beyond words. Kim was inches from me crying her heart out as well. I've never prayed more in my life.

And I've never heard the Lord speak to me with such certainty.

He said, "Matt I've made you an exhorter, a teacher, a fire-starter... and I want you to create awareness. You're my mouthpiece. I need you to speak. I need you to open eyes and hearts to issues long ignored. Don't remain silent." He also told me to go to Bangkok, ASAP, and see as much as I can first-hand. I have a responsibility now and I cannot be disobedient to it.

So, truly, let's consider this the beginning. I'm merely getting fired-up and I fully intend on catching y'all within the blaze.

* * * * * *

Here are some good resources to check out for more information:

The Not For Sale Campaign
The Polaris Project
NightLight
The Hagar Project
The Well
Innocence Atlanta
She Dances
Click here for more...

Longing For a Face

Wed, 6 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I don't know what to expect when I set foot in Swaziland. Some things will be the same, some faces will be the same, but I am trying to go in with very few expectations as I know a country in crisis can change rapidly. Everyone who has survived AIDS and starvation and tuberculosis and any number of other things, will be around three years older than last time I saw them. I pray I see some familiar faces, people who have beat the odds and are still alive and joyful.

Here is one face I am hoping to see. Her name is Thobile, and she has inexplicable JOY. At 15-years-old she was the head of her household, taking care of her younger siblings, and had a strong faith and love in Jesus.

I distinctly remember the last day I saw her. She came by the homestead I was living at, bucket in hand, on her way to church to use the running water to get clean before it started. She gave me a big hug and then became suddenly serious. "I will miss you so much. When will you come back and see me?" It ripped my heart out. I didn't know. I told her it is very hard and expensive to visit. But ultimately I told her, "God told me to come to Swaziland, and now He is telling me to leave, and I have to listen to Him. Maybe He'll bring me back here again, you can pray and ask Him to."

Maybe she has. He was very specific about Swaziland.

I am still in need of $991 for my plane ticket. Thank you for being the answer to prayers!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

I hope you enjoy this time of rest, and get to spend some quality time with your family. I'm thankful to be in the US for the holidays, and it seems the simplest little things just make my heart happy. I missed all the traditions and decorations, and child-like anticipation that stirs in me before Christmas Day. This year I even got a hug from Santa! He was standing and talking to a group of people...I locked eyes with him and he knew I wanted a hug. What did he do? He cut off his conversation and made a bee-line for me to give me a big one! I was the first of a long line of Santa-hugs that night!

Watch the video to see some of the people I spent last Christmas with. It was certainly one I will never forget. Three World Race teams, Judah, Hephzibah, and Karis, spent the month of December crammed into a three-bedroom home with an African family. It was quite an adventure. You can recognize me as a "pink sleeping bag" or "Rudolph". You'll understand when you see it.

Scared.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Is it bad I don't want to read about someone's life before bed because I don't want my dreams to come close to their reality?

That I would protect myself of the nightmares that are their day-to-day?

That as I lay my head down on my pillow, I pray God would spare me of the moments of torture these figments of my imagination might bring me, when at the same moment in a far off place there are thousands of people who are encountering these things with their eyes open?

Jesus, help me. I am a woman of little understanding and little empathy. I do not understand how this world and that one can co-exist. I do not understand how some can have so much and some so little. And I do not understand why I have been given so much.

I dare you to immerse yourself in a book that might give you the same reaction. I am reading Scared by my friend Tom Davis, President and CEO of Children's HopeChest. In Scared, Tom takes an honest look at the life of a little girl from Swaziland and weaves it with that of a photojournalist. It's a work of fiction, but I've been to Swaziland and I know the realities it describes are more factual than I wish they were. I won't tell you any more, but reading this will wreck you.

If you are praying for me, I ask that you get your hands on a copy of this book. It'll move you, and show you how to pray for Swaziland. It'll also give you a good glimpse of what my life is likely to be like from January 25-April 25, 2010.

Thank you for your support, I can never thank you enough.

I still need $1400 more for the plane ticket to take me into their reality.

Tongues On The Toilet

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Let me begin by relieving some of you of your anxiety....

I am not talking about actually licking the toilet like might occur during Truth or Dare at a sleepover in middle school. Praise Jesus, I know - sorry for the mental image.

I am talking about a joke Jesus played on me, and let me tell you, I laughed about it sporadically for almost a month before I told anyone else about it. It was a secret, something special only He and I knew about, and there were times He would have me rolling over it. He's just so clever and He knows I love potty humor.

What I am about to tell you is pretty humbling...He was even funny the way He took all the glory for Himself on this one. Such a Joker, He is!

I received tongues on the toilet, in a moment (okay, hours) of desperation, in Hong Kong.

When the Holy Spirit fell on me at Training Camp for the World Race, I distinctly remember my mouth feeling like it was swollen like a balloon and ON FIRE. Then I remember thinking, "Crap, I'm about to start speaking in tongues", so I didn't. My fear cut it off. I spent almost three months trying to get it back - key word: trying. I really wanted tongues because I had been told it was a way to increased intimacy with the Lord, and I wanted the intimacy! But having blubberings come out of my mouth that I felt like I was making up was humiliating. I wanted to understand it, to control it, to work/strive towards it. None of those things work.

I had been asking the Lord to give me a place alone to practice speaking in tongues, because I was too conscious of the people around me to be able to really let go and just let Him do His thing. The problem was, on The World Race, this seldom if ever happens. Privacy is just something you lose.

But then on Halloween in Hong Kong, I was suddenly sick at night. Everybody else was sleeping or packing to travel into China the next day. I can remember looking around my stall and going, "Hey God, I'm alone!". I started praying, and it just happened...effortless. Only later did I realize how funny it was that He took me into the Throne Room while I was in the throne room.

So now, you're in on the joke. What kind of jokes has He been playing on you? He certainly knows what makes you laugh. The guys on Team Judah got a kick out of it...they'd regularly approach me pretending to speak in tongues and then make farting noises. Its funny, but don't mock. I just love the way He loves me....

<== Being obedient by being re-baptized in a pool in Hong Kong on the same day. I still don't understand exactly why God asked me to. But my obedience here probably had something to do with the gift I received later...

Jimmy

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I have seen little boys like Jimmy in Kenya. Perhaps they even wander some of the same streets he wandered, with seemingly no options. I have seen them stagger around, high from the glue they are addicted to in order to curb their hunger pains and their reality. I have witnessed the fights between them that broke out at church because they were so hungry for food. I have hugged them and felt the dirt encrusted in their clothing and smelt the distinct odor of filth because they have no way to get clean. I have seen them be passed on the street, unnoticed and ignored.

Every child wants to be wanted. Every child wants to have someone who will care for them. But what happens if nobody does?

I didn't know what to do for them, except pray. I was forced to my face to intercede for them over and over and over again. I knew God was moving, and still believe Him for the things I was asking Him for, but I hated how helpless I still felt about their immediate physical needs. To read my blog I wrote about them while in Kenya, click here.

I don't know what you are called to do. I don't know what your financial needs are right now. But I do know in the West we live in extravagance, and I pray when we get to heaven we won't be dismayed at the way we used our money. I know we are blessed in order to give away.

I am raising support to go to Swaziland right now, but I am stepping away from that in this blog and calling your attention to other avenues of giving. What would you be willing to sacrifice in order to see one life changed? Radically changed. Saved from physical death kind-of-changed. Saved into eternity kind-of-changed. Would you be willing to sacrifice $38/month, or your boat, or Starbucks, or your dreams of an empty nest without children (if one of them came to live with you)?

The thought that you cannot do anything is a lie. I cannot tell you what to do, but I dare you to ask Him. Would you say "yes" to whatever He'll speak to you on this?

You may not be able to be the literal hands and feet, but you could be the way. Give to them, advocate for them, get on your knees for them. He'll use you in whatever way you give Him.

Sponsoring a child through Compassion International or Children's HopeChest is a great way to start.

Make sure you watch the video all the way through (there's a surprise ending), and have a box of Kleenex on hand :)

What is God doing in Swaziland RIGHT NOW?

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This is a blog posted today by Tiffany Berkowitz, a World Racer in Swaziland right now. I love the way she and the other girls jump at the opportunity to serve...even though they have NO IDEA what they're doing! Hope has arrived in

Swaziland (literally) - and more hope is coming!

I had just sat down on one of the mattresses in the common area of where we live to watch an episode of "The Office" with some of the girls. I had never seen it before, and thought a little mid-day bonding over popcorn and a show sounded pretty good.

Five minutes into the show, William and Matt walked in the room and asked the question... "Are there any girls who would want to go with Pastor Gift to deliver a baby?"
I think after the initial shock wore off... I jumped up faster than I ever had before. I looked at Erin who had also jumped up and started pumping my fists in the air and screaming with so much excitement. Within a few moments, six of us girls were piled into White Chocolate (the old white van we drive around) and ready to go.
We picked the mother up from her home. Her name is Gamane. She was already in a lot of pain and could barely walk. This is her story: Her mother was a prostitute, so she is a direct product of that lifestyle. Her mother was born again and now looks down upon her daughter, disowning her because of the lifestyle that SHE has now chosen... the life of a prostitute. Gamane, only 25 years old, is now pregnant with her 5th child, and has no idea who the father is. She is HIV positive, and has no money or food for the baby.
So we get her into WC (White Chocolate), and started comforting her.

Erin, Kelly, Hannah, Kimi, Cori, and myself began to ask her questions to try and take her mind off of the pain. Erin suggested that I sing to her. So I sing. "You are the source of life, and I can't be left behind.. no one else will do.. I will take hold of you. I need you Jesus to come to my rescue. Tell me where else can I go? There is no other name by which I am saved, you capture me with grace. I will follow you." She was put at ease for a few moments.

The hospital was about 45 minutes away... and we were making good time.

Her contractions were getting closer and closer together. Kel started to time them, and they were about 1 minute 45 seconds apart. Kimi checked and said she wasn't that far along, and literally 30 seconds later, I look down... and see half of the baby's head!
Every one screamed "THE BABY IS COMING!" and hardly even 10 seconds later.. the whole baby was out. It happened so fast!
Pastor Gift was yelling to us to shut the windows, and wrap the baby up. We didn't have anything! Luckily, Hannah had decided to layer that day (so fashionable, that girl). So she took off one of her shirts and we wrapped the baby up.
A girl. A beautiful, beautiful baby girl.
I was crying. Bawling. Harder than the baby. It was the most beautiful... disgusting... thing I had ever seen.

Pastor Gift told us to get the baby to suck on something, so Cori stuck her finger in the babies mouth, and she began to suck on it. Everything was normal, the baby was healthy. Then Gamane's cousin grabbed my hands and told me to help her push. We had to get everything else out of her... the umbilical cord, the amniotic sac... (I will spare the gory details for those that can not handle it).

It was insane.

We asked her what the baby's name is going to be, and she said that she didn't know. Then she told us that we could name it for her. We all got SO excited. We talked and prayed about it for a few minutes, and then decided on HOPE... which is Litsimba in Siswati (the language here).

The reason behind it is obvious. We believe that there is hope for her life. Hope for a NEW life, and that she is going to bring that Hope to Swaziland. Gamane loved it.

A few minutes later, we pulled over on the side of the road. There was no buildings around us, no people... just cows. A lot of mountains, and a lot of cows.
We had a flat tire.

A young woman laying on the back seat of White Chocolate, fluids and blood everywhere, a baby bundled up on the blanket, six girls who have no idea what to do, and a flat tire.

And a lot of cows.

Pastor Gift changed the tire... with a tire that was even more flat than the one that was on it before. We tried to flag a couple cars down, but no one would stop.. so we did the only thing we could do.. we drove. Welcome to Africa, friends.
From the moment we puledl out, you could see the lines from the rim of the tire grinding into the asphalt. 15 minutes later, we arrived at the hospital and handed them over to some professional care.
She is HIV positive, so she can not breastfeed. We walked to the store and got some milk. Gamane asked who was singing to her in the car. I told her that I was. She said that she didn't know what was going on around her, and that all she could hear was the song, and that it helped her through everything. I cried again. We prayed over Gamane and Hope. We prayed for her little life... for God to invade her heart, then said our goodbyes. We couldn't fix the tire, which was shredded at this point, so we hitched a ride in the back of a truck and headed home.

I was thinking about the beauty of life. The miracle that it is. And then I was thinking about the tragedy of her situation. There were so many thoughts... so many emotions. It was so beautiful, and so sad.

Pastor Gift is looking for a family to take care of the baby. They may have found a home, but I ask that you all pray for Gamane and baby Hope. God has a plan for her. And Gamane saw God's love through us in a way she never had seen it before. I could see the glow of the spirit all over her. Pray for redemption in her life.

I don't really understand it all. Life. Death. Struggles. Victory. Hardships.
But I do know... God... is in the midst of it. Of it ALL.
He was there. He is there. He sees Gamane. He sees Hope. He loves them. He has a plan. A purpose. He does for everyone.
We are blessed.
Because we are alive.
And we have Him.

Worship & Love

Sat, 7 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This afternoon I fell asleep and had a dream that I was on my face, speaking in tongues, deep in the Spirit. My hands were stretched out before me and I was asking God what I should do. He said, "worship and love".

This may sound simple, but I feel like these words somehow represent my specific calling. I am just beginning to understand what these words mean, but I have had multiple prophetic people tell me that I am a "worshiper" and that I have a "special gift of love".

Worship is what I want to inspire in the nations, but I don't worship to see other people worship. I worship because He is WORTHY of worship, I worship because there is nothing else I can do when I get a small glimpse of who He really is, I worship because my heart overflows with love and desire for Him and that is the only reasonable response. When I think of worship I always think of the word overflow. In my most intense moments of worship it feels like my desire for my God gushes like a mighty river destroying and tearing down everything in the way. It sweeps it away with a force so strong nothing can withstand it. That's my rudimentary understanding of worship.

Having a "special gift of love" sounds nice, until you really stop to think about what love is. Love is hard. I often hear God telling me that my life will be about laying my life down for others. And as I have grown in discernment and have become more aware of others' sin, love has gotten harder. I easily enjoy people, but enjoyment is not love. I easily have deep care and concern for people, no matter how much or little I know them. But that's just the very beginning of love. Usually, I am willing to make sacrifices for people and to be there for them when they need a friend no matter when or how hard. But is that love?

I think these things are all part of love, and I know I can receive wisdom on this in 1 Corinthians 13. But I think the kind of love He is calling me to is the 1 John 3:16 kind. By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. This looks like submitting to others when I don't want to, forgiving without being asked for forgiveness, and refusing to be offended because I realize I am nothing, along with dozens of other things that haven't occurred to me yet. Loving people I minister to who don't reciprocate the same degree of love towards me is easy. Loving friends and family who I feel like should reciprocate the same degree of love towards me is much, much harder.

This is the beginning of the kind of love God is calling me to; I don't understand it and sometimes I don't want it. I have some deep scars where I have been rejected and every time we love we risk rejection. And...odds are, my love will be rejected a lot. His was - and is. I think the key to all of this is receiving all of my love and affirmation from my Father and Husband - and He's taking me there, wooing me in, taking me deeper into Him to look more like Him and experience the love that He has within Himself. Abiding in love is abiding in God.

The thing that gets me revved up about this is that I know something happens to an environment whenever something is done with pure love as the motive. Something happens in the spiritual realm and the simplest hidden tasks, the most ordinary words or smile suddenly transforms the place and people can't help but notice. Maybe they get a picture of that whisper they've been hearing all along that they're loved more than they've ever known. I don't know. But something happens.

What's Next?!

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

For those of you wondering what I will be doing next...

Almost the entire time I was on the World Race all I wanted to do was move to Colorado, maybe get a job or go to seminary (or both) and settle back down in the USA for a year or so. It would be nice. I asked the Lord not to call me back to the mission field until I was off of it, and He honored my request...almost.

At the beginning of July (Guatemala - Month 10) a friend on the squad and I were making plans to head to Colorado, but by August (Costa Rica - Month 11) God had taken my desire to go to Colorado away and was beginning to plant a new desire in me: to go back to Swaziland.

As I have been praying about going to Swaziland, I have been remembering faces and memories from when I was there before. I remember how beautiful and welcoming the people are and how much the Lord loves them, but I also remember how hard

it was. Physically, living in the middle of nowhere without electricity or running water or showers. Emotionally, mothering hundreds of children who hardly know what a parent is and spending time with the desperate and dying. Spiritually, demonic forces are strong (but not strong enough!) because of witchcraft.

Swaziland is a tough place to handle. Sometimes I think I might be crazy for wanting to go back there, but then I realize how the Lord has truly made His desires my desires once again. I want what He wants, so it is my joy to return there.

This time I will be leading a team of 18-24 year olds. My main ministry will be discipling and equipping my team to serve the people of Swaziland, while walking beside them and doing it myself. I am excited to pass on to them some of the things Jesus has been taking me through in the past year. It'll be good.

Please join with me in prayer for Swaziland. Although it is a place of much desperation, it is also a place of hope. The trip is from January 25 - April 25, 2010. I only have to raise the cost of the plane ticket to go. You can click here to make a donation. Thank you so much!

The Streets of Bangalore

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This is a blog written by my squad leader, Kelly Chadwick, about our time working with rescued sex slaves and prostitutes in Bangalore, India. Even her words are not enough to help describe the desperation and chains the women on the streets of Bangalore are locked in. But they are a good start.

It's 5:00. Quittin' time by American standards. "Hi, Honey, I'm home" and dinner's on the table.

But 5 p.m. in Bangalore, India looks a little different.

We covered ourselves in long pants and scarves and headed out to the streets. To Market Street where you can buy a lot more than just fruits and vegetables. To the train and bus stations where travel isn't the main agenda. To the alleys and corners where darkness isn't only physical.

We were there to observe the FSWs...Female Sex Workers. Women who have been bought and sold more times than they can keep track of. 'R' took us along the path he covers most every night. The path where he passes dozens of women he knows, dozens of women he longs to rescue from this life. But dozens of women who have to make that decision for themselves.

Most of these women were sold into this lifestyle by friends or family members desperate for money they couldn't seem to earn. Women probably isn't the right word because many of them are little more than children themselves. But they've been sold to pimps who prostitute them and take as much as 80 or 90% of their earnings. They were sold without their consent. They stay out of fear.

Fear.

Fear of the men and women who now own them and have threatened their lives if they leave.

Fear of having nowhere to go and no way to support themselves if they leave the streets.

Fear of their families where they have now brought shame and condemnation.

Fear of facing the reality of pregnancies, HIV and other STDs.

So we watch them. We watch them walk aimlessly in circles, boldly staring at every man they pass, using their eyes to ask, "Am I what you're looking for?" We watch parties (potential clients) approach them and begin negotiations. We watch them climb in auto rickshaws to head to the nearest rest house. And they repeat this process an average of 15 times each night. We stood on a bridge for 15 minutes watching one woman negotiate with probably 10 different men. Her motions got more and more frantic as time passed without securing a client. She could see the money slipping away with each man that leaves. At first I was relieved that maybe she wouldn't have to go through this tonight...but she knows it will be much worse if she doesn't bring home enough cash and panic sets in.

By now we've lingered too long and have to keep moving. 'R' is getting nervous because the criminals are coming out. So we make a few more rounds and he points out a few more FSWs, even quickly introduces us to a couple. He knows them. They know him. And he is there just in case tonight is the night one of them will ask him to take her home. But no one asks. So we head back to the car. The car with doors that lock to protect us. The car that drives us to the house behind the gate, with beds and fans inside. The place where we feel safe. The place where hundreds of women from the streets have come to find a safe place. The place where hundreds more will come. 20 of them are sleeping below me even now.

Haunted only by their dreams and memories...and even those are fading. Because they've found hope.

And that's where I'm living this month. Privileged to learn their stories and see the light return to their eyes.

What Delights the Heart of God?

Thu, 8 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It delights the heart of God to be delighted in. What does that mean?

As a missionary, I believe I got a very small glimpse into what God's life is like. Almost everywhere we went, people wanted things from us. They wanted money for food or school or because someone was sick, or any other number of reasons. They wanted us to listen as they told their stories of heartbreak or abuse or everyday struggles. They wanted us to help them do this or that, and to pray for them to receive a myriad of things. They wanted our time and our picture to be able to say that they have white friends.

And we were glad to give them those things when we could. They saw we had abundance (even though we only had a backpack), and many of them had HUGE needs. Asking was not wrong or bad.

But then there were those who just wanted to get to know us, or of even greater delight to us - to get to know our God.

I can't imagine the enormous amounts of requests that God receives, and as a Father He does delight in giving good gifts to His children. But His greatest secret is that His best gift - the one so seldom asked for - is Himself. God's heart bursts open with joy when we do this!

So ask Him, for the first time or the millionth time - "God, can I have more of You? Will You show me who You are? Let me enjoy You face-to-face, resting and being still in Your presence. I want to be Your intimate friend, just because I like You, just because I know You are good."

And then He smiles and says, "YES!"

Intimacy for Miracles

Fri, 2 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I love Heidi Baker. She's a rock star. Here you can see some of the miraculous ways God uses her, and hear her message to the Western church.

This Girl Is Back In Town!

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Finally home with all my stuff! Carrying all that you own makes materialism take on a new meaning.

I have been back in North Carolina for one week and five days now. It feels like I have been here much longer. I have actually only been at home for two full days so far, but am in Charlotte now and excited to stay put for at least a week! I spent four days at the beach with extended family, three days at the beach by myself, and three days in the mountains with my best girlfriends from college. So far I've stayed a nomad, but I've chucked the backpack for a good duffel bag.

Family at Ocean Isle

In Asheville with my best girlfriends from Elon

Leaving my friends and family who walked beside me for the past year was hard, but was made much easier by the fact that I get to be reunited with the girls on Team FUSE at the end of September in Tennessee; I guess its kind of like a debrief for month 12 and I am so thankful for it.

Overall, the greatest thing I've been surprised by is how easy it has been. There have been hard things, and I suppose perhaps I am still moving too fast at this point to really process everything, but the culture shock I've been experiencing has been mild and the transition has seemed much more natural than I thought it might. I have been surprised out how comfortable I am in my old environment and how familiar it feels. I have been gone for a year, but in some ways it seems like I never left.

Janina and Marisa. I have been with these girls almost every second of every day for the past year!

At the same time, I know that even if my environment hasn't changed that much, I have changed. Its not like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole; its still a round peg going into a round hole - but the round peg now has more life and color and trust and brokenness than it did before. Even as I discuss and share the things I've learned and seen I don't know if people see these new things in me, but I know they are there.

But really I think the thing that has made this transition easy is that He is just with me. My biggest prayer was that God would give me intimacy with Him through this transition, and He has. In addition to that, He has given me provision and contentedness.

In Guatemala we challenged ourselves to pray for something specific. When I asked God what to pray for He told me to ask for a car, so I did and believed He would give it to me. Not only did He bring me a car, but He brought it right away. My parents picked me up from the airport in a new car for me! I did a little dance in the parking lot in appreciation to the Lord, but I am so thankful to my parents too (Mom, if you see this, you can make me dance in appreciation to you and Dad later).

Dad and I with my new car!

It is also very unlike me not to know what the next step is. I'm a visionary, and I like to know what the future holds. I have some ideas, but really I don't know (at least for now). Sometimes its just better not to. I trust God and am just content in Him.

The one thing I do know is that I am called to be a missionary for the long haul. I don't know exactly where or what that's going to look like, but there is nothing else that I can give my life to. As God reveals His plans to me, I will continue to let you know how you can partner with me to build His Kingdom. It is so grand and I can't believe I get to do this with my life.

As I am home, I would love to share some stories and some things I learned with you, and answer any questions that you may have (not that I have the answers!). Whether it is your family, or your Sunday school class, or your Bible study, or your church...or just YOU, if you are interested I would love to share with you. It is my heart's desire, so please don't hesitate to ask. I will be available beginning in October.

I know the race is over, but I will continue to post some things here; maybe share some stories I wasn't able to before, repost some teammates' blogs, and try to relate to you some of the things I have learned. Please continue to stop by and look for new things when you have the time!

If you have given to me, prayed for me, or encouraged me, I cannot thank you enough for everything you have done. We could not have done it without you!

Team FUSE at our final banquet in San Jose, Costa Rica

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
- Philippians 4:12-13

Bring It On Home

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Thank you to everyone who read my blog entitled Weariness and responded with encouragement. Sometimes I still feel very weary, but the Lord has picked me up and renewed me in His presence, and continues to do so every day. While on the race there have been many times where what we are facing completely knocks me off of my feet and I have to learn again how to gain all of my peace, strength, and joy from the Lord - and it has happened again. I imagine that I will be facing this my whole life, but I pray I learn how to stay and remain in that place deep inside of Him without ever coming out!

Every morning I wake up desperately crying out for Him, and every morning He satisfies my desires. Every evening I lay down and bring the things from the day (or something else on my mind from the past year) to Him and just lay them at His feet.

There is an article I posted before I left for the race where Rolland Baker addresses the need to live out of relationship with Jesus. He says,

Heidi and Rolland Baker (missionaries in Mozambique)

What motivates us to keep going? What puts energy into our spirits when we run out of answers and resources? How do we stay patient and upbeat when the outlook seems bleak, yet again? Where does our power to live, serve and give come from? The question is important, because missionaries do get tired, discouraged and down. Christians of all kinds run out of motivation, no matter how much they have. Leaders with huge responsibilities lose their peace and joy. Ministries become more like businesses, and preachers more like sales managers. But what makes the Kingdom run? What is the fuel that fires us effortlessly? What is the real thing?

...There is a secret place, a hiding place, a lower place, a holy place that exceeds our dreams. It is not found in anything external and impersonal. It is not found simply in activity, sacrifice and dedication. It is not found in goals, projects, productions and progress. It is not found in finances and growth. It may be missed entirely even when preaching, teaching, training and discipling. It may be forgotten completely when evangelizing and praying for the sick. The greatest and most powerful gifts don't necessarily contain it. Even ministry to the poor may become an impersonal effort that misses that greatest and most intensely motivating creation of God, that supreme display of His glory: relationship!

Intimacy with God is the only thing that keeps me going. He is everything that I need. Jesus has been singing me a country love song lately called "Bring It On Home" by Little Big Town. Oh, how I love those Winning Arms....

You got Someone here that wants to make it alright

Someone that loves you more than life, right here
You got Winning Arms that'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you all through the night, right here
I know your heart can get all tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to Me

Don't you know I know you like the back of my hand
Don't you know I'm gonna do all that I can, right here
I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep
When the mornin' comes I'm still gonna be right here
Take your worries and just drop them at the door
Baby, leave it all behind

New World Race Video

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We are all called to do something. I am called to go. What are you called to do?

Last Month!

Wed, 5 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Team FUSE hiking in Antigua, Guatemala

So its our last month on the race. As you can imagine, emotions are running wild as we are tired and weary and excited to be home soon but not wanting to leave the life we've been living or the family we've been joined at the hip with. Please be praying for us as we wrap things up and begin to head in our separate directions. We need your prayers and your hospitality and your listening ears and a whole lot of GRACE. We are broken but so in love with our King.

Tomorrow morning Team FUSE is going to live and do ministry in a squatter town called Carpio, Costa Rica (find out more about it here). It sounds like we will be pretty much thrown into ministry once we get there and be surrounded by it, so we are excited. We want to end running. There will be many opportunities for ministry and we are excited to get plugged in. Some possibilities include working with street children, child prostitutes, and girls rehabilitating from drug addiction.

We won't have much access to the internet, so you may not hear from me again in awhile. Thanks for your prayers!

Weariness

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Weariness. If I'm honest, that is what I feel right now; weariness mixed with sadness. When I sit in comfort or I lay in bed at night I begin to remember parts of my past year. There are so many good things to remember, so many victories, so many joys, so many amazing ways we saw the Lord move, but we have also seen more than our fair share of hurt, suffering, sickness, and loss. I don't know what to do with what I've seen except to remember and cry.

I have felt a weight of sadness recently, especially this month. It isn't all the time, but I keep telling the Lord that I have seen enough. I don't want to see any more people living in trash, I don't want to pray for any more poor people who are sick, I don't want to meet any more orphans who are not being cared for and are being mistreated.

When I think about what I've experienced this past year I think of it in segments separated by month. I remember the desperately poor in The Philippines who live and work and go to school in the trash (October); I remember crowds of people in China who when asked individually thought Jesus was a new celebrity or a new brand of soap (November); I remember street children in Kenya sniffing glue to ease their hunger pains and an entire community shrouded in fear from the violence they had endured (December); I remember stories of friends in Uganda who had suffered much and teeny-tiny babies with AIDS fighting for their lives (January); I remember looking into the eyes of dozens of people afflicted and possessed by demons in Tanzania, only some of which were completely freed (February); I remember befriending former sex slaves in India who were sold by their families and seeing women and eunuchs who were still enslaved (March); I remember feeling the recent oppression of communism in Ukraine and the poverty and sadness it left behind (April); I remember women in Romania being mistreated and overlooked, and a beautiful friend being left by her husband a few days after I met her (May); I remember walking alongside a dear friend in Slovakia as she lost a baby and the dismay I felt at being back in a culture that has so much material wealth that they think they have no need for the Lord (June).

This month as we are in Guatemala faces and situations are still fresh in my mind. We have visited people in a dump and brought them food; we have prayed for people with all kinds of ailments that live in terrible situations (the most pressing on our hearts is a woman named Mary - she seems to be getting better but the Lord hasn't completely healed her yet), and we have been spending a lot of time at an orphanage that is owned by a man who has little interest in the children's well-being.

And then I remember that all of these "experiences" I have had are realities that continue to exist day in and day out, only I am no longer in them. I don't know what to do with all of these things except to bear them and try to release them to the Lord.

Sometimes I want to question if God is good, but I know He is, and He is the only reason I can move forward. He is my JOY, and it is His LOVE that compels me forward, so forward I go.

Pacaya Video

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here's a video Steph Connors made of the G & I squads hiking Pacaya Volcano last week. Maybe you can get more of an idea of how strenuous it was.... :)

That blue shirted person running down the hill and waving her arms frantically is me!

You're Only in America Once!

Mon, 6 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So the "G" squad just went through some major culture shock (and jet lag) as we traveled from Budapest, Hungary through Boston, Myrtle Beach, and Ft. Lauderdale before reaching our destination of Guatemala City. We actually stayed in Boston for a good amount of time, so many of us ventured out into American soil. Steph, Janina, and I excitedly went to Whole Foods and Target, finishing our time up with a steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Having been in third world countries most of the past year, Target felt more overwhelming than anything I have encountered in awhile.

The first thing that made my jaw drop was the HUGE parking lot leading up to the store. As most of the rest of the world walks, or takes a train or bus to most places, I realized I have rarely even seen a parking lot in the past year. Once I steaded myself and moved on, I got inside where I thought I'd look for a big hat to keep the sun off my face while we'll be in Central America. Bad idea. I easily found some and was overwhelmed by the choice of the three options I had. Then it was like I got tunnel vision and I realized that a whole side of the aisle was filled with them, with maybe thirty different designs to choose from. I ended up running away and not getting one...

I decided it was best to look for things I really needed like shower-shoes before I would need to leave the store. I found the flip-flop aisle with what seemed like HUNDREDS of flip-flops, grabbed the plain black ones and made a mad dash away from all the options once again. I also managed to find a plain black skirt and some peanut butter m&m's and then we were out of there. We walked to Texas Roadhouse and ate the first steak and green beans that I have seen all year and got entirely too full. At some point during the day Steph said something about how she was spending too much money, and without even thinking I replied to her, "well, you're only in America once". Its how we really felt, like we were in some once-in-a-lifetime dreamland. It was absurd to be standing with a map and have someone ask us if we needed to directions in English and actually give us directions we could understand.

Since our short time in America we spent a couple of days debriefing in Antigua, Guatemala (where we hiked a ridiculous volcano - pictures to follow) and Team FUSE is now in Puerto Barrios, our ministry site for the month. Even though we currently have no running water and the weather is a bit unpredictable (yesterday the sun was beating down on us one minute and the next we were wading up a muddy river that used to be the street), we are still overjoyed to be back in the third world. We are glad to be away from the materialism and fast-paced schedules that rule so much of America. We have been helping the local Christian radio station raise money and we have found that poor people are so giving. When we first began asking these people for money I could only see the run-down places they were living in, but now all I see is their giving hearts.

On top of Pacaya Volcano - I wish I could describe how hard it is to climb sharp, crumbling lava!

Lava oozing out of Pacaya

Another volcano erupting in the distance

Roasting marshmallows! So hot hot hot!

Marilyn Manson

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Throughout our time in Slovakia we have ridden the bus several times a day. During the first week we were here I noticed every day Marilyn Manson posters pasted up on the bus stop. I would look at them and cringe. I have come literally face-to-face with the demonic and seeing someone so clearly tormented on a poster makes my stomach churn and my heart feel icky. I hate demons and the way they torture and chain people. Then one day my teammate Marisa leaned against one of the posters. Feeling uncomfortable that she was even touching it, I pulled her away. As we looked at the poster more thoroughly we realized the concert being advertised was the next day. I hate the demonic and I'd rather it didn't exist, but it does and so we have to fight it, we have to battle it, and I love it because I know we always win in the end. When Marisa suggested we go to the concert my heart was in total agreement. We had to go, we needed to, there needed to be light shone in a place of great need and darkness. This is the blog Marisa wrote about our time at the concert.

All seven of us were waiting for our bus to come. Unfortunately we had just missed it so I decided to rest my back on a nearby post. Others followed me and as we chatted Elizabeth noticed that I was leaning against a very scary looking man with one weird eye ball. The man was Marilyn Manson and I was leaning on his concert poster. He became the topic of our conversation and when we realized that the concert was the next day I exclaimed, "Hey, lets go there!"

We pondered in prayer for a good while before we came to a unanimous decision. It was a go. As we each shared our hearts about what we felt God prompting us to do it was clear that we were to plant seeds of reconciliation. When Manson was young he was shunned by the church due to his awkwardness, likewise his followers often have fallen victim to the same treatment. His platform is publicly founded on satanism and easily draws outcasts. In one of his latest interviews he told his fans that if they feel like committing suicide, to just do it.

We prepared ourselves spiritually the best way we knew how. I decided to dress myself in black leggings with a black skirt and shirt to match; then I covered my eyes in the color of death. My goal was not to mock, but to accept.

On the bus on the way there Emily, Elizabeth, Ian and I were looked up and down. These "children of the light" had a taste of the judgment that some of these people get every time they go out in public. It didn't feel good. We got to the concert, decided to split two by two and dive right in. Liz and Em made their way to a girl standing by herself and Ian and I went for a walk to build up more courage and try to find the person we were supposed to talk to. We finally found a crowded area where we sat and people watched as we prayed about who to approach. We had a tough time because every time we picked somebody out and made the approach they would slowly turn on their heels and start walking away. The freaky thing about this is that it happened SEVERAL times and they all turned in a very distinct way. We didn't really know what to do so we decided to go for another walk. As we did we passed the girls ministering to a girl with big sunglasses on. Her name was Lucy, a beautiful girl with painted pink stripes in her hair and a large gap between her teeth. Our team concurs that she is the reason why God sent us there.

Em and Liz were upfront when Lucy asked why they were at the concert. Liz confidently said, "Well, we feel like God told us to come, and then He told us to come over here and tell you that He loves you." Lucy giggled in surprise. Had anyone ever told her this before, it seemed not. Interested in what they were saying, their conversation continued. Once finding out that they were Christian missionaries she apologetically informed them that they were at the wrong concert. "Marilyn Manson is against everything that you believe." The girls told her that it was okay and that it didn't matter. Lucy's upside down cross that she wore on her neck sparked a conversation about her beliefs and she told them that she was an Athiest. The girls asked her about her church experience and she told them that she had only gone to a church a few times when she was younger, but it was too rigid and there were too many rules.

As they talked Liz felt prompted to tell Lucy that God thought she was beautiful, and when she did Lucy burst out into more childlike giggles. It was as if the word beautiful was foreign to her. She boldly asked why they thought this and Liz sincerely gave her the truth. She spoke of natural things and shared Psalm 139 with her. And for the first time in Lucy's life, someone bothered to paint a whole new picture of God for her. She was introduced to a God who accepts, befriends, delights in, who is in the habit of giving too much mercy, and too much grace. A God who can look at a girl who has rejected him because she was rejected and send four Americans across the world to go find her.

Liz asked Lucy to take her sunglasses off of her face. As she did so her amber-colored eyes radiated through the black painted circles surrounding them. The girl's reaction was only priceless because it was real. They flamboyantly doted over how stunningly gorgeous they were. In fact, days later when the girls talked about her unveiling her eyes their sincere reaction still gave me goosebumps. I don't think that Lucy was ever given such a response in her life. Shortly after this the girls said their goodbyes and Lucy went into the concert hall.

When we all gathered back together I felt God's delight resting on me like two love birds on their 50^th wedding anniversary. As the girls shared their story I remembered the first time that I was told that God loved me, and the several years after when that precious seed took root and I finally understood how magnificent that statement was.

Before going to the concert I sent out a prayer request to over 100 people. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I knew we needed support. As I look at the whole picture of what happened I am in awe of the height and depth of His love. Do me a favor and try to wrap your mind around this:

For one girl, who had blatantly denied him, blasphemed him, and worshiped his enemy...

He made us late for our bus.
He made me lean against a scary poster.

He gave us the courage to go.

He enlisted over 100 people all around the world to pray to him.

He called many to fast from eating food for an entire day

Then he took his fingers and smushed us together--all so that she could hear these words, "I love you." And because he is patient, because his love endures, he will watch over the seed that he planted and will see to it that it comes into fruition. All this trouble for one girl who hates him.

My Japanese Family

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Kieko, Akihito, Tuwako, and Mahiro

No, I am not in Japan! While in Slovakia, Abby and I were honored to live with a Japanese family who took us in and really made us feel at home. We had access to the internet, a bathroom the likes of which I have never before seen (going from an outhouse last month to a plush bathroom this month was a really pleasant shocker), and delicious meals cooked by our Japanese mama, Kieko. She is an amazing cook! We really enjoyed fellowship with them, and some of my favorite memories of the month will be the times we ate dinner together and talked for three hours or more about the Lord, sharing stories and things we were struggling with. Circumstances in the past month have been very hard for this family, but even though they don't understand why things happened the way they did, they are choosing to trust God.

Here is a video that Abby made of the girls day we had with Mahiro and Tuwako while their parents got to have their own "fun day". They are adorable!