Many of you may remember my last blog where I told you I had a plan to get to Thailand...  Well God, as He has so often been doing lately, wrecked my plan and hasn't given me a new one yet!  So that's all the update I have for now...I am waiting for Him to tell me more and open some doors, so you can pray that would happen soon!

 

I know for some of you the anticipation has been building the past few days.  Its been building for me, too! 

 

 

 

Back in October God began speaking to me about where He wants to take me next.  At the time, I was really confused as to why He was already speaking about this, because I made a commitment to Adventures in Missions for six months (which ends Feb 9th) and anticipated staying on with them after that.  I also was not even asking Him about what was next...it was just coming up, disturbing my present, and making me uncomfortable.  I started seeing pictures of where He wants to take me. 

 

I saw pitch black starkly contrasted by 2 or 3 white figures beside me.  He is calling me back into deep darkness...into an unreached people group...into a place where people don't know Him.  There won't be a lot of people around to help, but I won't be alone. 

 

Another image that began to flash in my mind is a picture of me.  I see myself with a baby slung around my front, walking through a marketplace.  

 

               

 

And then I began to hear them....  The first time I heard them it came through the mouth of an Australian woman speaking on trafficking at the Catalyst conference.  She told the story of a trafficked woman she met who asked her, "If what you believe is really true, why didn't you come sooner?"  Why didn't you come sooner?  That phrase hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't shake it.  For the next week and a half that phrase was spoken to me 3 or 4 more times.  "What do I do with this, Lord?", I asked.  He wouldn't tell me, except to move quickly when He said move.  A little more than a month passed before I first heard His whisper to "move". 

 

Its funny, because that first whisper came as I was trying to pursue something else.  You see, I want to go back to school.  That decision does have some fears and insecurities in it; like I said in my last blog, I want job security and to be able to provide for myself.  But the decision to go back to school does have validity, which is what made the decision so hard.  I want to get my masters in counseling to be able to counsel those who have come out of trafficking and who have grown up as orphans, and found a really good school that I think will help me be able to do that.  I still really want to go there one day, but I know that I can't right now, and that's all I know.  Anyway, while I was at said school, we went out to eat at a Thai restaurant, and another potential student asked me why I wouldn't go to school there in the fall.  Before I even realized it I said, "Well, I might move to Thailand or something."

 

"What?!?!"  In my spirit, I jumped back.  I was completely shocked to hear those words come out of my mouth, and really hadn't even entertained the possibility before.  But something about it felt right....  I tucked this little outburst back in my heart, and tried to regain my composure and move on.... 

 

And I did move on, until the day I found out I won't be working at Adventures in Missions after my commitment is up February 9th.  After that day, it was like Thailand was everywhere.   Everyone and everything was talking about it.  I couldn't hide (and believe me, I tried).  And I still wanted to go to school.  But the voice that has been louder than anyone else's in this process is the voice of those I don't yet know....  "Why didn't you come sooner?"

 

 So...if you haven't guessed it yet...I'M HEADED TO THAILAND!!!!!!!!  I say that even now in almost complete faith.  I've never been there before.  I don't really know much about it.  I don't know the specifics of the where or who or what or how (these are all BIG things!).  But I know I need to go. 

 

I do have a plan.  And I'm going to need you to help me get there. 

 

More to come soon.....

Friends, supporters, and blog-stalkers,

 

Sorry its taken me so long to post a new blog.  For some reason, words have failed me lately and I've struggled to put them into sentences.  I have written several blogs I haven't posted because as I read them my words came out strange and I wasn't sure they conveyed what I meant to say.  So, I'm sorry.

 

This is probably one of my last blogs on this website, because it seems the seasons are changing and its time to move on.  I will be blogging on another website, and will tell you where as soon as its ready.  For now, I just wanted to take some time to let you in on where I'm at and where I believe I'm headed. 

 

 

              

 

Where I am:  I've been in a tough season for awhile.  I've been in the "wilderness" (like the Israelites and like Jesus) for almost two years now (I'm praying it doesn't last 40 years!).  What being in the wilderness means is that everything is hard.  Relationships are hard.  Work is hard.  Finances are hard.  I know to some degree these things will always be hard, but this has been a season where they have been especially so.  

 

 Most of you can probably guess that missionary life is no cakewalk...  We lived in the dirt.  Sometimes we lacked running water.  We had no privacy.  I got peed on by probably a dozen children.  I ate things I'd rather not look at.  I witnessed things that shouldn't exist.  I left people in unacceptable circumstances.  These are all hard things. 

 

What has been harder, surprisingly (and probably selfishly), is the return home.  It is amazing that such different worlds can exist on the same planet.  "Normal" as I knew it before, is not an option anymore.  I see things with different eyes.  Everything is messy and hardly anything is simple.  I have lots of questions and very few answers. 

 

As I have been back in the United States, I have struggled with the "American Dream".  I like the comfort of my bed and having my own room.  I like being able to eat pretty much anything I want, when I want it.  I like being nearby friends and family.  I like American holidays and traditions, and hate missing out on things.  I want job security and stability.  I want to be able to make my own money and not to have to keep depending on God and other people.  And, I just want nice stuff.  Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to have these things....

 

God has been providing, because that's part of who He is.  I'm not out on the street or anything.  But as I mentioned before, finances have been hard.  I only get paid when I've raised enough support, which means I haven't gotten paid in two and a half months.  I've been living on savings, but I really need to be reimbursed for some of that to be able to pay for what's to come.  I'll let you know exactly what is needed in my next blog when I tell you where I'm going....

I have been struggling to put this into words and so will probably do so over a series of blogs.  Here goes nothin'....

God says I'm a starfish.  Literally, He said that to me (well, not out loud, but as clear as day in my head).  At first I was just really obsessed with starfish; you will find them all over my life right now.  I have a shirt with starfish on it, I have a starfish necklace, there is a starfish hanging from the rearview mirror in my car, there is a starfish sitting on the table next to me as I write this...truly, I'm obsessed.  As I was voicing my obsession to a friend a few months ago she suggested I look up what "starfish" means.  In my head a lightbulb went off like, "Duh, I bet God is speaking to me".  So I asked Him, "God are You speaking to me about starfish?".  "Yes", He says.  "What are you saying?", I ask.  "You are a starfish," He says.  That's how it all started.  

So I begin researching starfish; googling it, learning all kinds of crazy things about starfish, like they can eat things bigger than their mouths because they can actually push their stomachs outside of their bodies, digest whatever they are craving, and pull it back in.  Seriously starfish are cool, right?  (I can't do that, by the way.)

So what were these words?  

The starfish...displays one of the most unique reproduction abilities in the animal kingdom. Cut off the leg of an octopus, and - amazingly - it grows back. Cut off it's head, and it dies. However, cut off a leg or two of a starfish, not only do the legs grow back, but also the cut-off pieces grow back into an entirely new starfish!  ...A starfish is a brilliantly designed decentralized neural network, carrying its DNA in every part of its body.
                                                                                                                                    -Starfish Manifesto

Are you confused?  Let me try to explain....  In almost every country I went to on The World Race, as people were praying for me they felt like God was telling them that I am a "mother", that I'll have lots of spiritual children, that God will produce the "DNA" of who I am spiritually over and over and over again.

When I think about this I'm like, "Really, God?".  I don't understand why I would get such a privilege, why I would be chosen for such an honor, but I admit that spiritual motherhood or "discipleship" is what I long for my life to be about.  I want spiritual children, and grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren.  I believe in the multiplication process.  I want to see people better understand the limitless God that made them in His image, and fully reach the potential He created them for.  

I am willing to lay my life down for this.  And I know God is asking me to - this is the second half of the starfish illustration:  Reproduction comes from brokenness and death.  God is asking me to believe that if He allows something to chop off my arm, He will grow it back AND multiply me in the process.  At this point, I have little idea practically how He is asking this of me.  I just have a little piece of the big picture, and all I know to do is sacrifice and lay down my life and desires in the little ways I am able to every day.  But I'm sure He'll show me exactly what I need to know when I need to know it.  Its such a bittersweet feeling to be overwhelmed with joy at what the Lord is going to do with your life and yet still feel fearful and uneasy about the process.  But I trust Him and I say, "yes".  


 

 

I realize that I seriously owe all of you a life update!  Gainesville or "G'vegas" as it is sometimes affectionately called, has become my new home.  This past weekend my parents were able to come and get a tour of my life here, and I thought I should give you a little online tour as well.

 

 

                                    

                                                      The square in downtown Gainesville

 

Gainesville is quaint and charming, unlike any place I've lived before.  Initially I was in culture shock that I was not in the city or in the third world, somehow this in-between small town threw me for a loop and has taken a little getting used to.  But I have absolutely nothing to complain about, and really am in awe of the many blessings, luxuries, and little conveniences life here offers me.   I live in an amazing house with six other girls (Yes six!  Well, one is in India and technically her room is a closet...but she still counts!).  I share a room and a ginormous bathroom and closet with my friend Traday (we didn't know each other before becoming roommates - it felt a little like freshman year in college all over again!).  It has been fun to live in community again, but our fridge is a little overwhelmed (another blessing, really)!  I never cooked much before I came here, but I've been teaching myself at least one new dish a week!   Cooking has become one of my "creative outlets"...and sometimes what I cook is indeed very "creative" :). 

 

 

                                 

                        Audrey and I (also known as "The Recruiting Team") hard at work at our desks!

 

Work is going well, and it has been so encouraging and exciting to see people that we speak to and connect with be really interested in the Real Life and World Race programs.  We have spoken / showed a video / had a table at meetings of several ministries at different college campuses around Georgia.  We are also planning to attend some conferences - we will be at the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta next week and some conferences around Christmas/New Years for college students.  Its been fun to do this job because most of what is required of me are things I am naturally good at.  I love talking to strangers and helping people get where they need to be!  Still, there is a learning curve in doing this type of ministry.  Even though I get to interact with people pretty frequently, most of the ministry is indirect which is sometimes hard.  I want to be out "doing the stuff":  holding the abandoned babies, preaching the gospel, casting out demons, entering the pain of the abused and those with HIV/AIDS; but I know my job is actually multiplying the number of people who will go do those things.  There will be a time when I get to go again, but before I do I will find others to go too.  And it is worth being here temporarily to send others! 

 

I am also committed to finding "the stuff" to do here, right where we are.  One of our first steps towards this is holding a barbecue in the park on Wednesday for the Hispanic community, so please be praying for that.  

 

     

                             

                                                                    All my roomies!

 

 

Thank you for all your love and support.  I'll update you again soon!

      

                            

 

What's going on in my life right now?

 

Adventures in Missions has never recruited for these trips; almost all advertising has been done by word of mouth and through their website.  There is much Kingdom work to be done, and it is my job to go find the ones called to do it!  

 

Here is a recent article from Newsweek, "The Lengths We Go For Beauty", by Tara Lewis. 

 

Its amazing what people all over the world will do to look better, to be more accepted, and to feel more desirable.  The United States is no exception; the idea of a tanning salon sounds absolutely outrageous to most of the world.  There is something about the way people torture themselves in the name of "beauty" that is sickening; being willing to undergo intense pain, discomfort, and sickness to look different than the natural, original you....  Satan takes such delight in convincing people of their unworthiness and ugliness.  People don't know who they are and aren't okay with who they are because they don't know the One whose image they're made in.  Once you really see Him for who He is there is a settledness and contentedness that comes over you that is more beautiful than any physical characteristic; I imagine that Jesus was very attractive in this way. 

 

Look at Him, and see how He looks at you; that's how you know who you are.

Look at Him, and see how He looks at them; that's how you know who they are.  

 

Everything is about looking at Him and seeing through His eyes...I promise this will change you.  I promise you will begin to recognize the depth of beauty that is already there, that you will begin to see reality more clearly:  YOU ARE DESIRED, YOU ARE LONGED FOR, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

 

-Ezekiel 16:14

 

He gives a kind of beauty that doesn't change from culture to culture; every nation will recognize it as beautiful because it is in fact, true beauty. 

 

 

Here's the article:

They say beauty's only skin deep, but it's also a human obsession, one that spans cultures and centuries. From Iran, where the perfect nose is considered the ideal form, to parts of West Africa, where fat is fabulous, one country's beauty can be another's ugly, or at least bizarre. Americans may obsess over the skinny, plastic ideal, but we aren't always the norm. A look at beauty trends and rituals from around the world.

 

 

Iran:

 

 

 

Brazil:

Brazil--known for some of the most beautiful people in the world--used to revere its women for their "guitar shape," a sign of health and wealth. But in the face of an influx of Western media, Brazilian women have begun trying to reduce their hips and backsides to match the svelte and often unhealthy Western ideal. Historian Mary del Priore told The New York Times, "By 'upgrading' to international standards of beauty," Brazilians are giving up on the belief that "plumpness is a sign of beauty."

 

 

 

Korea:

Eyelid surgery may not sound like a major procedure, but it's worth a lot to many Korean women, who believe the surgery, which makes their eyes wider and rounder, also makes them more beautiful. Plastic surgery in general has skyrocketed in Asia over the past few years, but in Korea in particular, researchers estimate that 1 in 10 adults has been nipped and tucked, and even children are getting their eyelids done. The surgery, essentially an eye lift, creates a fold in the eyelid and gives the look of bigger, more Western eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Zealand:

 

In New Zealand, where the indigenous Maori culture has enjoyed resurgence in the last 20 years, men and women adorn themselves with swirling face tattoos called moko--a sacred beauty ritual that spans centuries. Though originally worn by these Polynesian descendents as a sign of status, Maori men and women now wear moko as an honorary throwback to their cultural history. One of the more distinctive forms of moko is the pattern women wear on their lips and chins, shown here.

 

 

 

China:

 

 

 

 

Burma:

 

 

One of them was Anthony Hargrove of the New Orleans Saints, who had just won the Superbowl only days before.  Talk about a crazy cultural shift - from crowds who can't get enough of you, to masses of kids who are afraid of you!  The first glimpse I got of these guys made me burst out in laughter; they were just so gigantic standing next to my Swazi babies!  Each NFL player I met was so down-to-earth, and willing to humble himself by fumbling through the Swazi cultural songs and dances.  One of my favorite memories in Swazi was doing the hokie-pokie and the harlem shake with the players and the kids.  So much fun!

 

A video was recently posted on the NFL website about their trip to Swaziland.  I love it!  And yes, I did drive a van just like the one you see at the beginning of the video!  The first building you see is Pastor Walter's church - the church I've gone to both times I've been to Swazi, and is right down the road from where I lived.  The man briefing them is Dennis, the American co-pastor of that church and one of the missionaries we worked with.  Check out his Swazi-English!  The little girl whose face the camera centers on at the end is Ellie, who was abandoned as a premie at the local hospital but was adopted by Julie, a missionary who has taught the gogos (grandmas) to make purses. 

 

 Click here to see the video!